... the fuck happened to Melissa Auf der Maur's face?

Ever since Courtney Love announced that she was going to shriek out a new album under the Hole moniker with a bunch of people that AREN’T Hole, I have been spooning with my copy of Live Through This at night in hopes that the “true” band members get off their pink Huffy bikes, put aside their pissy-pants squabbles, and trash a stage together like during the golden-era of 90s music when alternative rock ruled the roost and the “M” in MTV actually made sense.

After years of praying at my makeshift Hole altar (consisting of soiled negligees, baby-doll barrettes, and a cracked tiara from Party City) my dreams of a Baby Jane Hudson look-a-like on coke being fingerbanged while crowd surfing were almost realized on Monday night at New York City’s MoMA.

Spin reports that the “classic” lineup of Hole came together for the premiere of Hit So Hard, the documentary film that chronicles the drug addiction of drummer Patty Schemel and her years with Hole. While the subject of the film is supposed to be Patty and her substance abuse, it also includes eerie footage of the late Kurt Cobain uttering "I'll never leave my girls." to Courtney and Frances Bean from behind the camera as well as his performing a never-heard duet with Love entitled "Stinking of You".

Unfortunately, while the foursome remained civil to each other at the event and even took to the stage together following the screening, there was no mention of an official reunion.

In the end, my overwhelming unease was not in response to the fact that Eric Erlandson still comes off as far too queer to have been frotting his Dirk Diggler peen (just assuming) on the angry beavers of Kristen Pfaff and Drew Barrymore throughout the 90s. Instead, I found myself cowering in terror behind Billy Corgan’s ego at the sight of the nightmare that has physically manifested itself where the face of Melissa Auf der Maur once resided. Between the horrifying brow-lift/Parralox combination and that ensemble, Melissa looks like one of the kidnapped mannequins from Prince & Company. Seriously though, had I not seen Courtney Love, gay Eric, and Carrie Fisher Patty Schemel, I NEVER would have known that this was the same Melissa that helped ward off those evil cardboard paparazzi.

Glass is no gimp!

Alice Glass is a real trooper. One can no longer write her off as just the drunken frontwoman of electronic noisemakers, Crystal Castles, who has a penchant for physically assaulting her fans and crowd surfing like it's still 1994.

In January, Alice jacked up her ankle while in Tokyo for a gig at the Liquid Room. The details on how the injury came about are still unknown but I am sure a few too many sake bombs and a mishap while dancing on top of the drum set were involved.

On February 3rd, Crystal Castles were supposed to headline the kickoff of the Shockwaves NME Awards Tour. Instead of whining about her injury like a pop diva whom the Chelsea twinks jizz their Hollister panties over, bitch grabbed one of Jimmy Valmer's crutches, got up on stage, and tore that shit up.

According to NME, Alice still managed to hop around onstage like a coked-out demonic ferret during certain points of their set.

I currently have the pleasure of looking forward to seeing Crystal Castles at both New York City's Terminal 5 and Toronto's Sound Academy. I can only hope I am fortunate enough to see use her crutch as a weapon against some obnoxious underage poser in skinny jeans who reeks of ditch weed. Given that Alice is a bit fiesty during shows, she might as well take the opportunity to use her newfound accessory to its utmost potential.

Jenny Lewis likes 'em big... waves, that is.

The cutest indie rock couple to ever rub their naughty bits on eachother have just treated us to a new video from their debut record.

"Big Wave" is the latest single from I'm Happy Now, the first effort from Jenny Lewis and Johnathan Rice... or Jenny and Johnny, as they are known on the street. The video is directed by photographer Autumn de Wilde and features the lovebirds embarking on a roadtrip in their vintage station wagon while snuggling, blowing kisses at eachother, and other stomach-churning affections of desire. But, there's also a serpent and scenes of gore dripping down a ho's back. I guess that properly cancels out the hipster Hallmark aspect of the video.

Jenny Lewis is probably best known as the frontwoman for Rilo Kiley. Her album with the Watson Twins, Rabbit Fur Coat is still in heavy rotation in my iPod as well.

In all honesty, Jenny Lewis will always be fondly remembered, by me, as that trick from The Golden Girls who kidnapped Rose Nylund's teddy bear, Fernando, at gunpoint. Rose eventually one-upped that bitch at the end of the episode. I also get all nostalgic when I remember Jenny as Hannah Nefler, selling her cookies on Rodeo Drive in the Oscar-snubbed gem, Troop Beverly Hills. My girl has come so far.

Spin has the video for "Big Wave" here.