... the fuck happened to Melissa Auf der Maur's face?

Ever since Courtney Love announced that she was going to shriek out a new album under the Hole moniker with a bunch of people that AREN’T Hole, I have been spooning with my copy of Live Through This at night in hopes that the “true” band members get off their pink Huffy bikes, put aside their pissy-pants squabbles, and trash a stage together like during the golden-era of 90s music when alternative rock ruled the roost and the “M” in MTV actually made sense.

After years of praying at my makeshift Hole altar (consisting of soiled negligees, baby-doll barrettes, and a cracked tiara from Party City) my dreams of a Baby Jane Hudson look-a-like on coke being fingerbanged while crowd surfing were almost realized on Monday night at New York City’s MoMA.

Spin reports that the “classic” lineup of Hole came together for the premiere of Hit So Hard, the documentary film that chronicles the drug addiction of drummer Patty Schemel and her years with Hole. While the subject of the film is supposed to be Patty and her substance abuse, it also includes eerie footage of the late Kurt Cobain uttering "I'll never leave my girls." to Courtney and Frances Bean from behind the camera as well as his performing a never-heard duet with Love entitled "Stinking of You".

Unfortunately, while the foursome remained civil to each other at the event and even took to the stage together following the screening, there was no mention of an official reunion.

In the end, my overwhelming unease was not in response to the fact that Eric Erlandson still comes off as far too queer to have been frotting his Dirk Diggler peen (just assuming) on the angry beavers of Kristen Pfaff and Drew Barrymore throughout the 90s. Instead, I found myself cowering in terror behind Billy Corgan’s ego at the sight of the nightmare that has physically manifested itself where the face of Melissa Auf der Maur once resided. Between the horrifying brow-lift/Parralox combination and that ensemble, Melissa looks like one of the kidnapped mannequins from Prince & Company. Seriously though, had I not seen Courtney Love, gay Eric, and Carrie Fisher Patty Schemel, I NEVER would have known that this was the same Melissa that helped ward off those evil cardboard paparazzi.